


“HOHOHO, MOTHERFUCKER.”

by OtterCriossant



Category: Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Christmas, Christmas is Ruined, Crack, Crack Treated Seriously, Gen, Sapnap beats up an old man, Sapnap-centric (Video Blogging RPF), idk what else to put, tagging is hard
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-08
Updated: 2021-01-08
Packaged: 2021-03-12 06:41:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 675
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28631175
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OtterCriossant/pseuds/OtterCriossant
Summary: Sapnap ruins Christmas for everybody and murders Santa Claus. Inspired by the convo Techno had after the war about how Sapnap strikes Techno as “the man to kill Santa Claus”
Relationships: none lmao
Comments: 3
Kudos: 32





	“HOHOHO, MOTHERFUCKER.”

It was the night of Christmas. The night of joy, filled with joy, family, and the warmth of hot cocoa near the fireplace. And one of the most notable and memorable parts: green and red wrapped presents. And while this was the common scene for most people, there were two exceptions.

Orphans who Techno had stolen from the night before and one particular arsonist.

And that particular arsonist was Sapnap. While everyone on the SMP was preparing for Christmas, making things such as decorations to fill the land with, finding gifts for everyone, and spending time with friends and family, Sapnap had spent the prior week doing something much more better.

—————————

As Sapnap tightly adjusted his headband around his head, he carefully examined the fireplace in his house and the surrounding area within 3 feet of proximity. 

Within the area sat a great spruce tree in the corner, yet to be surrounded by presents. Its great leaves reached far throughout the room and covered a great area.

Next to the tree were two red chairs and a small table. Instead of a mug of warming hot cocoa, there was a tall glass of coffee sitting in its place. Sapnap had to stay wide awake this night for it would be extremely costly to be unable to stay conscious the entire time; the coffee would ensure this wouldn’t happen. It’d cost another year of waiting and a ton of time wasted.

And finally; the fireplace. The beautiful center that laid in front of everything. It glued the beautiful scenery together. It was also the center-peice of his delicate operation. 

While most people would rather use their fireplaces for the comforting warmth of the flames, Sapnap had actually rigged it with a trap, keeping a hidden stone pressure plate laid to set-off a series of redstone reactions that would help lead him to finally catching that fucker in action. He rather leave the fires actually roam the wild, setting off chaos and leaving nothing in its trace. It wasn’t possible with the measly fireplace, trapping the fires in the confining walls not only physically trapping it but limiting the potential of the small flames to only eventually run out. 

It just didn’t make sense to him. It really didn’t. And neither did that weird bearded man that would supposedly come down everyone's chimneys either.

Finally, he revealed to himself the contraption. He had stared at the lines of dust, repeaters, and contrapters briefly lining his finger around the dust, examining and re-checking the works. An intrequette machine built by him to enclose the old shit. Should work just fine.

He had laid his preparations. Now it was time to wait.

—————————

The clock had struck 12:00pm. The black-haired arsonist slightly jumped, took a sip of his black coffee and slowly got out of his red chair. He tip-toed to the side of the chimney; roughly out the sight any person could see if they went inside. 

He quickly re-examined his potions. The purplish-red tint of the strength glowed brightly in the unsuspecting dark, the welcoming pink bubbling, and the light blue that wizzed with anticipation. 

He stared at his axe and clutched his armor tighter. Suddenly, he heard a small shuffle at the top of where his chimney was, and what followed soon was a loud thump a few inches away from him. Gulp. He quickly chugged his potions.

“Huh? Why do I hear someone drinking potions?” The booming voice said while lumping over a giant sack of what presumably contained presents onto his shoulder to support the suppressing weight. He slowly walked closer to the spruce tree, a loud stump erupting from the entire room as the house felt Santa’s weight and pressure he put onto the oak ground.

Sapnap drew his axe closer, jumped, and screeched his war cry. “FINALLY, A WORTHY BATTLE!” 

—————————

“And that was the last house Santa visted that night.” Sapnap cheerfully lamented, closing the book in his hands that contained the entire story of what happened that night.

Hohoho motherfucker, indeed.

**Author's Note:**

> I should really get some sleep


End file.
